I deal with the morning confusion by talking to myself : ''pick up kettle, put in the water, get the coffee out, pick up that sock...Commands.
This morning that narrative swiched to gerunds -- action phrases. Without any conscious decsion to do so I began coding my every move.
walking to the sink...turning on water...filling the pot...turning handle left...dreading a phone call...feeling [whatever I was feeling]...
It continued throughout my walk:
seeing a cat...walking behind man...feeling crampy...feeling hungry-Wait! If I ask someone what they THOUGHT, how can I code their thought into an action?...
And so it goes. It wasn't until halfway through the morning that I realized I was coding my every move. This made me happy. I was taking summary statements and turning them into gerunds.
Some kind of instinctual learning device thing was occurring.
What the fuck is coding, you may be wondering. My thesis project involves interviewing sixteen people. After transcribing the interviews I make liner notes of the content, generating them into 'codes'. From this and the next coding-of-the-codes, insights arise and are jotted down in the form of memos - sort of a structured analysis of an insight. This is the data analysis part of my project. From all these jottings (hopefully) a thesis with (still hopefully) new theory will arise.
The more I code, the more memos I write, the more I memo the memos and code the codes...sixteen thousand to twenty-two thousand words of a 'report' will result. That 'report' of the research experience and the findings will be a thesis. It is due July 9th. It seems like a short time, but I work eight hours a day, seven days a week, and am happy to do so. I have more ambition to immerse myself in this as it is MY project. Try getting me to read even 40 hours a week (realistically 30, or less) for stuff I had little interest in. Unless I was interested in it.
If it is not accepted then I have until August 15th to make the necessary revisions and re-submit. My lease here ends July 31st. I have booked a hostel room near den Haag for Aug 1 - 14th. Either way, whatever happens with the thesis, this program ends for me by August 15th. After that: unknown. As Yoda, probably lying to Luke, said: too far too see.
In other news, the weather has become nice. The freeze is gone. The tree outside my window has bloomed. I have been feeding the crows that hangout in the tree. I feed them peanuts. I put a small handful out on the ledge in the morning and then listen to them making sounds. One morning after a late night up, around 07:30 I heard TAP-TAP-TAPping at my window. Hey! We're here for our snacks!
opening the bag...
