On October 20th I saw a chiropractor. For about the third morning I woke up and when my foot hit the floor it felt broken. I do not recall having broke it. I googled "foot feels broken". I have no other symptoms of diabetes so that was out. Somewhere down the rabbit hole a guy on a forum told another poster that their foot-feels-broken problem may be helped by a chiropractor. Huh. Never thought of that. I knew I was in need of an adjustment but I kept allowing the cost to put me off. That and just finding one. How do you find a new healer?
During the analysis the chiro put his hands near my lower abdomen and asked if everything was ok. I said, uh, as a matter of fact...haha. Who knew.
Do you recall that problem I had been having with my left ovary? The doctor visit, the exam, the insurance hassle, the ultrasound, the tears? That chiro had that shit and everything else fixed inside of ten minutes. Turns out my sacrum was so fucked up -- it gets that way from the bike wreck twenty years ago plus a generally shitty lifestyle -- that my pelvic bone was tilted (he told me to feel it, I did, it was half-up) and it was pulling one side of the muscles and scrunching the ones...on...the...left...side. Boom. That was my ovary pain. Gone. In an instant.
He also found something on my -- I'm going to mess up this pronunciation ala Dutch-English -- shirtrrib (trill it). Before I could figure out what he was saying he did this kind of pulling thing on my upper right chest/clavicle area and a flood of emotion came pouring out of my face. It was all the tears that were stored up since the beginning of the move, the packing, the last days at work, finding a home for the cat, the arrangements, moving here, delivering stuff, trying to find IKEA, dealing with financial aid, trying to get a bank account...loneliness. Anger. Terror. But it wasn't tears that came out. It was laughter. Like everyone better stand back because this is going to knock a bitch out kind of laughter. I havent felt such emotion. It was like he cracked open the lock on Pandoras box of emotion.
Then I got what he was calling thee area -- short rib -- and I howled some more cos all I could see were some fellas in the South holding up BBQ and yelling "SHORT RIBS!".
I had no idea that I was in such pain. I had no idea that physical pain, left unattended for long enough could lead to such emotional turmoil. I had not been down so far in a very long time. Then I remembered what I read in a Bio class a few years back:
Feelings are merely bodily sensations.
All those yoga assholes got it right.
Since then -- and the follow up six days later which found me bounding out of bed the next morning like a six-year-old -- I have been immersed in school work. I had my thinking brain back as soon as I left that chiro's office. All that frustration and self-doubt and bafflement over why I could not read a simple article and the panic that I could not do this program was simply a result of so much locked-down pain. I have been pretty damn thrilled with being able to "do" school again. Not that it is 100% glorious, I still fucking hate going to campus (but I love the lectures by my key instructor), but at least if I am not doing work, it is just that familiar and manageable resistance, procrastination and the plain old process of learning.
There is always a shit more to tell, but the above story is why I have been away and what have been doing.
I raided the local thrift store a couple weeks ago and below is my 2.5 feet tall €17 Christmas tree. I fucking love Christmas, I never get tired of saying it.
There are black Friday signs in the centrum shop windows. But here they do not celebrate Thanksgiving. So I wonder how black Friday is justified? I havent asked. I have no TV and left fuckbook a month ago so I dont know shit. I'll ask someone later, maybe.
--------LaLaLa!------->Misc stuff:
These crows hanging out in front of my window in the morning :-)
Misc walking around the centrum A'dam center. There is no downtown per se, old cities are more like a big village, as more than one local has called it. Though it seems to me a series of squished together villages. Like the lifeboats that were tied together in that movie Titanic.
In between classes I take the staircase to get around. On ten minute breaks I go up the ten flights of stairs to shake the sitting loose. I like the view. I like the lack of people in the empty stairwells
I am not allowed to enter a bead store. But I took a picture of the sign. (No I have never shoplifted from a bead store it's just...well the bead story before I left we'll save for another blog)
More stairwell. Oh, did I not say? This is from the University of Amsterdam's new building at Roterseiland Campus. It is in a really pretty area.
Mural on campus
Misc riding or walking around shot. I started walking to campus a couple weeks ago, when it is not raining. Takes about 70 minutes. I'm nice and relaxed when I get there. I fucking hate sitting.
Just a dork standing under a tree with a phone.
Over here...nice sky!
Turn the body not even 30 degrees to the right and the ever present storm. It will rain like hell for 5 minutes, or rain a little for an hour, then...sun. Or just gray. It is positively bipolar BUT. I have seen more rainbows here in my first month than in a lifetime, I believe.
Went for a Sunday ride a couple of weeks ago. Froze my tits off. But it was pretty.
Went for another ride some time before that. This under the bridge that goes to IJburg, a little place I was quite fascinated with for a while. Did I post these already? I've a shit tonne of photos.
I want all these colors, everywhere. In my hair, on a sweater, on my shoes, in my eyeballs. I want to eat and drink and get awkward with all these colors.
The obligatory windmill.
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